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Sometimes, I think, the parallels between computers and humans are uncanny. With computers, over time, things become unstable, a little untrustworthy, data get misplaced, etc., etc., etc., and the computer may become a little (or even a lot) ornery. I think humans are the same way.

The difference is that with a computer, this kind of thing can be fixed with the touch of a button: reboot the system, get all the data back into the right places, and the computer behaves as it should. With people, since people are more complex than machines, the process is more involved. The person must realize his or her eratic behavior, determine to act upon that realization, and then actual follow-through. Miss any of these steps, and the emotional reset simply does not happen.

I've seen this happening in my life lately: I've taken a number of emotional hits with events in my life, and over the time, I've become more unreasonable, more opinionative than I ought, and, in many ways, more ornery an unfair to people. IT's not a pleasant realization to encounter, but if it happens to you, encountering that realization and not liking it are key to resolution.

I am so far from perfect, it's crazy. I overreact, I lash out verbally, I respond inappropriately. Somehow, through all this, I've managed to hold onto some wonderful friends. In other cases, I've pushed people away in a wave of righteous indignation that isn't righteous at all. ?No excuses: there are no excuses, I offer none. It's simply time to push the reset button on my own mind, my own emotions; to try again to not get to this point, because it's a point I don't like, a point of which I'm not at all proud, a point to be avoided.

If you've been at the receiving end of my, for lack of a better word, orneriness, please accept my apology: another chance would mean a lot to me. I won't say it'll never happen again, because I don't like making promises I can't deliver on. But I will try.

So consider that emotional reset button pressed. Let's try this again.

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dogriver: (Default)
Bruce Toews

June 2017

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