Here are the answers:

1. Because no one is watching football anymore.

2. More of the same, except slightly dirtier.

3. Yes.

4. Yes, people will always need harmless pseudo-sports to encourage beer drinking and social opportunities.

5. He's not telling or showing.

6. Because you thought it would amuse your readers, and it did.

7. Porcupines are one of God's jokes.

8. Because Fahrenheit 451 sounded like a cool title for a book.

9. No, we won't get cool weather, it will drop suddenly to -30 in October.

10. The cat will go flying towards the ceiling.

11. Chairs would look the same, but our buttocks would be useless.