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All You Need is Love?
Apr. 30th, 2012 08:17 amListeners to Toews on the Waves, and those who have talked music with me over the years, know that I am not a fan, particularly, of the Beatles. This is not some kind of hatred or vehement dislike, it's just that, in listening to the Beatles, I utterly fail to see what's so special about them. Like most groups, they did some good music and some horrid stuff. But Beatlemania utterly defies explanation in my mind.
One Beatles song which truly does bother me,though, is "All You Need Is Love", which many people have adopted as a kind of mantra, and it certainly symbolizes the attitude of young idealists of the time.
There are two reasons the song bothers me. The first is that it's simply not true: love is not all you need. The second is that so many people believe that it is true.
Coming from a relationship in the mid-nineties which started with love, I can vouch firsthand for the reality that love is most certainly not all you need. Along with the love, you need willpower, common ground, and more. I discovered that I needed some degree of stability in a partner, something my fianc ée at the time simply could not give me. While I truly did love her, and I believe she loved me, I couldn't stand by watching her hurt me and those around me. Love was certainly not all we needed. And I think that, as I had other needs we all have our own set of needs which must be met in a relationship, be it a romantic relationship or a relationship among friends. Someone else might well have been able to deal with my ex-fianc ée's instability, but they might have had other needs that they would need to be met, needs which she possibly could have filled for them.
Love is important, no doubt about it. But love is not all you need, not by a long shot. The fact that so many people believe it is probably accounts, in part, for the high divorce rate in this day and age. So many couples fall in love, are truly in love, but under the glare of the marriage vow, discover that they have other needs which they didn't stop to consider and which are vital to them. People who preached love, love, love, love, love in the sixties may have, though probably with good intentions, done a great deal of damage by oversimplifying things. How often have you heard a divorced person say, very sincerely, "I still love her or him, we just can't get along." I've heard it often, and to me, it's a statement that speaks volumes.
Love is not all you need. I was going to say that it's requisite, but even that's not true. There have been lots of arranged marriages where the love came later, even some where the love never existed byt a mutual respect did, which made it work. I'm not advocating for arranged marriages, I can't speak one way or another about them except to say that I personally wouldn't want one. But the reality is that many of them do work, and in many of those, love doesn't even enter into the picture.
Is love important? Yes, most certainly. But just as flour isn't all you need to bake a cake, love isn't all you need to make a relationship, any kind of relationship, work.
One Beatles song which truly does bother me,though, is "All You Need Is Love", which many people have adopted as a kind of mantra, and it certainly symbolizes the attitude of young idealists of the time.
There are two reasons the song bothers me. The first is that it's simply not true: love is not all you need. The second is that so many people believe that it is true.
Coming from a relationship in the mid-nineties which started with love, I can vouch firsthand for the reality that love is most certainly not all you need. Along with the love, you need willpower, common ground, and more. I discovered that I needed some degree of stability in a partner, something my fianc ée at the time simply could not give me. While I truly did love her, and I believe she loved me, I couldn't stand by watching her hurt me and those around me. Love was certainly not all we needed. And I think that, as I had other needs we all have our own set of needs which must be met in a relationship, be it a romantic relationship or a relationship among friends. Someone else might well have been able to deal with my ex-fianc ée's instability, but they might have had other needs that they would need to be met, needs which she possibly could have filled for them.
Love is important, no doubt about it. But love is not all you need, not by a long shot. The fact that so many people believe it is probably accounts, in part, for the high divorce rate in this day and age. So many couples fall in love, are truly in love, but under the glare of the marriage vow, discover that they have other needs which they didn't stop to consider and which are vital to them. People who preached love, love, love, love, love in the sixties may have, though probably with good intentions, done a great deal of damage by oversimplifying things. How often have you heard a divorced person say, very sincerely, "I still love her or him, we just can't get along." I've heard it often, and to me, it's a statement that speaks volumes.
Love is not all you need. I was going to say that it's requisite, but even that's not true. There have been lots of arranged marriages where the love came later, even some where the love never existed byt a mutual respect did, which made it work. I'm not advocating for arranged marriages, I can't speak one way or another about them except to say that I personally wouldn't want one. But the reality is that many of them do work, and in many of those, love doesn't even enter into the picture.
Is love important? Yes, most certainly. But just as flour isn't all you need to bake a cake, love isn't all you need to make a relationship, any kind of relationship, work.
