Grumbling About Grammar

Growing up, I was always amused by older people who seemed to be sticklers when it came to correct syntax and usage. I, I felt, was progressive, open-minded, and accepting of change.

That was about twenty years ago. Now I'm one of the old grammar sticklers, and I wait for younger people to laugh at me, since what goes around comes around. Below are some of the grammatical errors people frequently make which annoy me the most. These are not new. These rules of grammar have been in place for decades. There are no excuses. And yes, I sometimes break these rules myself, and yes, I get annoyed with myself when it happens.

• Caroline and I or Caroline and me? Teachers in schools have tried so hard to wean us off of saying "and me" when we should be saying "and I", they made us feel that the former should never be used. Or, I suspect, we were so worried about making sure we didn't say "and me" in the wrong places, we forgot that there are right places, and are now convinced that this is how we were taught. I don't think there is an English teacher anywhere who would teach his or her students never to say "and me". Hence, sentences such as "Please join Caroline and I at the restaurant" or "The car was parked outside, waiting for Caroline and I." Both of the above are incorrect. In both cases, "and me" should be used. How do you decide? The official answer is that "and I" should be used in the subject of a sentence, while "and me" should be used in the object. Still too difficult? Try taking the "name and" part out of the sentence. What sounds right will be correct 99.999% of the time. Which sounds right? "Please join I at the restaurant" or "Please join me at the restaurant?" "The car was waiting for I" or "The car was waiting for me?" It's "me" in both cases, right? So you know that in these cases you would use "Caroline and me". In the first example, the implied "You" is the subject; in the second, the car is the subject; and in both cases, "Caroline and me" is the object.



• I lost a argument with my friend. A argument? The rule is that if the word following "a" or "an" begins with a vowel sound, you say "an". If it's a consonant, you say "a". A car; a bus; a horse; a historic event (you only use an if you drop the h sound in historic); an accident; an iPhone; an occupation>



• There's lots of mistakes here. Expand There's. There is. Ask yourself, am I referring to a singular or a plural? There is lots of mistakes in this paper? Or There are lots of mistakes in this paper? Mistakes is plural. So it's "are", "there are" and not "there's".



• This error effects most of us. Effect can be used as both a noun and a verb, and affect is always a verb. I think the easiest way to explain this one is with some sample sentences that are correctly written. I will be effecting some changes. These changes, when they take effect, will effectively affect us all. The trickiest word is effect, because it has the most number of meanings.



• I should of listened to Bruce when he explained grammar to me. I'm surprise at how many people use this incorrect syntax. Maybe this is why speaking with contractions, when clarity is wanted, is considered bad form. "Should've" does sound like "should of", so I suppose the mistake can be understood. But the correct syntax, of course, is "should have".



• The reason that Canadian Coke tastes better than American Coke is because Canadian Coke uses sugar as opposed to corn syrup. "The reason is because" is another very commonly-made mistake. There are two correct ways you could go with the above sentence: "The reason Canadian Coke tastes better is that ..." or "This [the reason] is because ...". Honestly, I'm not sure why "this is because" is acceptable while "the reason is because" is not, but that's what they've decided.



• What Possessed me to write about possessives? There's an assumption out there that whenever a word ends with an "s", to make it a possessive, you add just the apostrophe, not an apostrophe s. Incorrect. You only omit the final "s" if the "s" in the word is there to make it plural. Look at your word ending with "s". Is it singular or plural? If it's singular, to make it a possessive, you add the apostrophe s. Chris's baseball; Douglas Adams's novel. This usually applies to names. If it's a name ending in an "s", you add the apostrophe s. If the word is plural, you just add the apostrophe: the cats' litterbox (one litterbox, five cats); There are eighty restaurants in the chain, and CocaCola is the restaurants' supplier of beverages. It can get a little confusing with a word like people, because people can be a singular and a plural. Hence, this sentence is correct: "Lorne Cardinal was the people's choice to represent the various peoples' wishes at the conference." The first "people's" in that sentence refers to popular vote. The people, plural. The second "peoples'" refers to the various groups of people (in Canada this generally means the various aboriginal groups) whom Mr. Cardinal would be representing. Got it?



• I couldn't care less. I've always thought this should be a no-brainer. People so often say "I could care less", when in fact what they mean is that they couldn't care less. When you say you could care less, you are saying that you in fact do care: it is conceivable that you could care less than you do. But if you couldn't care less, it is inconceivable that you could care any less than you do.



• The facts and circumstances are in direct cohesion with that which has been facilitated. In other words, yes. Don't use big words when simple words will do. Too often, people try to make themselves sound more knowledgeable or impressive by using lots of complicated vocabulary to get a simple idea across. And, all too often, they botch it, misusing the words, and making themselves look much sillier than if they'd just made their poing using basic English.

Well, those are some of my favorites. I've made every one of these mistakes at least once in my life, and I'll probably make them again. I've always believed that often, the things that annoy us most about others are the things which we ourselves do.