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Am I Proud of my Blindness?
Nov. 5th, 2013 04:31 pmBefore I start, I know I'm dealing with a very touch subject for a lot of people. These thoughts are my own. They're not necessarily anyone else's, and they're not necessarily the right thoughts, if indeed there are right or wrong thoughts in this regard. Having said that, look at the subject line. If you think it may push your buttons, make you uncomfortable, or cause you offense, please do not read on.
It was early on in my time as a Twitter user. I was thinking, at the time, of the fact that I am slowly going deaf, and this is something I'm going to have to deal with. I was, indeed am, terrified about this.
I am blessed to have some deaf friends with whom I can talk about this. Invariably, these are people who have embraced their deafness and have integrated themselves fully into the deaf community and deaf culture, so the subject of deaf pride came up. Though I accept and respect these people's views, I can't get my mind around them: the view held by many that being able to hear is a disadvantage, that deafness is not a disability (unlike blindness), etc. I've heard all these things, and I have come to accept them as cultural differences, but I cannot, nor will I ever, understand them.
At this point in the conversation, which was available for public consumption, another friend of mine, also blind, asked: "Are you not proud of your blindness?"
I had to stop and think at this point. Just how do I feel about my blindness? I'm certainly not ashamed of it, nor do I try to hide or minimalize it. But am I proud of it? Why should I be? Why should I be proud of not having something which would greatly benefit me if I did have it? Isn't that, initself, a form of denial? It's like how I used to say I didn't want an iPhone with Siri, because I didn't see a use for it, when the truth was I was just trying to curb my jealousy.
am I jealous of people with sight? Sadly, sometimes I am: when I've been standing somewhere for half an hour waiting for someone else to pick me up, when I can't visit my girlfriend because there is no bus and no one I know is in the mood for a four-hour-each-way drive, when my computer stops speaking and I can't read the screen to troubleshoot the problem, times like that. So why, by my thinking, would I be proud to not have that which I feel could really benefit me?
So the answer I gave my friend was no, I'm not proud of my blindness, I'm proud in it. I'm proud of who I am, what I have accomplished. And blindness is a part of that, most certainly, because my blindness has shaped some of my attitudes and opinions. But so did a very abusive relationship I was in in the 90's. Am I proud of the abuse I received? No, but I'm proud in it.
That said, I also shock people when I tell them that, were there to someday be an operation to give me sight, I would turn it down. To many, this is inconceivable, especially people who were not born blind as I was. And their position I can understand. If I could have my hearing fully restored, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
So no, I am not proud of my blindness, I'm proud in my blindness. Just my thoughts.
It was early on in my time as a Twitter user. I was thinking, at the time, of the fact that I am slowly going deaf, and this is something I'm going to have to deal with. I was, indeed am, terrified about this.
I am blessed to have some deaf friends with whom I can talk about this. Invariably, these are people who have embraced their deafness and have integrated themselves fully into the deaf community and deaf culture, so the subject of deaf pride came up. Though I accept and respect these people's views, I can't get my mind around them: the view held by many that being able to hear is a disadvantage, that deafness is not a disability (unlike blindness), etc. I've heard all these things, and I have come to accept them as cultural differences, but I cannot, nor will I ever, understand them.
At this point in the conversation, which was available for public consumption, another friend of mine, also blind, asked: "Are you not proud of your blindness?"
I had to stop and think at this point. Just how do I feel about my blindness? I'm certainly not ashamed of it, nor do I try to hide or minimalize it. But am I proud of it? Why should I be? Why should I be proud of not having something which would greatly benefit me if I did have it? Isn't that, initself, a form of denial? It's like how I used to say I didn't want an iPhone with Siri, because I didn't see a use for it, when the truth was I was just trying to curb my jealousy.
am I jealous of people with sight? Sadly, sometimes I am: when I've been standing somewhere for half an hour waiting for someone else to pick me up, when I can't visit my girlfriend because there is no bus and no one I know is in the mood for a four-hour-each-way drive, when my computer stops speaking and I can't read the screen to troubleshoot the problem, times like that. So why, by my thinking, would I be proud to not have that which I feel could really benefit me?
So the answer I gave my friend was no, I'm not proud of my blindness, I'm proud in it. I'm proud of who I am, what I have accomplished. And blindness is a part of that, most certainly, because my blindness has shaped some of my attitudes and opinions. But so did a very abusive relationship I was in in the 90's. Am I proud of the abuse I received? No, but I'm proud in it.
That said, I also shock people when I tell them that, were there to someday be an operation to give me sight, I would turn it down. To many, this is inconceivable, especially people who were not born blind as I was. And their position I can understand. If I could have my hearing fully restored, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
So no, I am not proud of my blindness, I'm proud in my blindness. Just my thoughts.
