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When Anonymity Equals Cowardice
Apr. 11th, 2015 06:18 pmNot long ago, a friend of mine had some fairly serious accusations made against him via an anonymous accuser. The accusations could have easily been refuted, and the process would probably have developed into a good, win-win discussion.
But because the accusation was anonymous, there was no constructive discussion, my friend felt deeply hurt, and nothing positive came out of the experience.
I always try to attach my name to the things I write. This is very deliberate. For one thing, it's a check-and-balance. It holds me accountable, because I know that what I say can be traced back to me, I may well be held responsible for what I say. And indeed, this has happened more than once: I've said something inappropriate or hurtful, I've been called on it, sometimes in humiliatingly public ways,I've seen what I did wrong and why it was wrong, and I have apologized and attempted to change as a result. Anonymity in this regard means that, while I might get the temporary rush of saying something "profound", or of "getting even with" someone at whom I was angry, in the big picture no one was served by what I said.
If you are tempted to respond to someone or something anonymously, or if you want to take a shot at someone anonymously, ask yourself why. Why don't you want your name associated with what you're saying? Once you've established your reasons, ask yourself if it's worth it. Does anyone actually benefit from what you have to say anonymously, and if so, how? Do you yourself gain anything more than a brief spurt of "righteous" indignation? Are you really trying to be anonymous because, deep in your heart, you know you really shouldn't be saying what you are about to say?
There may be good reasons for anonymity. It's not for me to judge the reasonings of others. But I do know that in the vast majority of situations, anonymity accomplishes nothing, except revealing the identity of the anonymous person, if only to him- or herself, as a coward. If you have something to say that's worth saying, stand behind it. If you're not willing to do that, let someone else say it, or maybe decide that it's not really worth saying after all.
But because the accusation was anonymous, there was no constructive discussion, my friend felt deeply hurt, and nothing positive came out of the experience.
I always try to attach my name to the things I write. This is very deliberate. For one thing, it's a check-and-balance. It holds me accountable, because I know that what I say can be traced back to me, I may well be held responsible for what I say. And indeed, this has happened more than once: I've said something inappropriate or hurtful, I've been called on it, sometimes in humiliatingly public ways,I've seen what I did wrong and why it was wrong, and I have apologized and attempted to change as a result. Anonymity in this regard means that, while I might get the temporary rush of saying something "profound", or of "getting even with" someone at whom I was angry, in the big picture no one was served by what I said.
If you are tempted to respond to someone or something anonymously, or if you want to take a shot at someone anonymously, ask yourself why. Why don't you want your name associated with what you're saying? Once you've established your reasons, ask yourself if it's worth it. Does anyone actually benefit from what you have to say anonymously, and if so, how? Do you yourself gain anything more than a brief spurt of "righteous" indignation? Are you really trying to be anonymous because, deep in your heart, you know you really shouldn't be saying what you are about to say?
There may be good reasons for anonymity. It's not for me to judge the reasonings of others. But I do know that in the vast majority of situations, anonymity accomplishes nothing, except revealing the identity of the anonymous person, if only to him- or herself, as a coward. If you have something to say that's worth saying, stand behind it. If you're not willing to do that, let someone else say it, or maybe decide that it's not really worth saying after all.
